My good friend Thomas was a happy go lucky kinda guy. He was smarter than most of my friends carrying two master’s degrees. Both in engineering, one in electrical and the other in physical. He had a great job working for the government in Crystal City, Virginia just across the river from D.C. He was a little bit of a social nerd and found it hard to talk to women and I tried to hook him up several times to no avail.

He fit into our group quite well though, and everyone seemed to like him. He never seemed like the odd man out being free with his time and helped us all in our times of need (moving, painting, and general helping when needed). Seems like someone is moving somewhere just about every weekend in the city.

Well low and behold, Thomas showed up to a move with a young lady named Michele. Michele was very pretty and seemed well educated and we all wondered what she found so attractive in our nerdy friend Thomas. I didn’t take long for me to figure out what she saw, it was his money. She had a keen interest in his Do-Re-Me, and little interest in his friends. Slowly but surely she cut out one friend at a time and soon he wasn’t seen as much in the group. Several calls were made by me, Arthur, Phil, and Kenny to Thomas inviting him and Michele to parties and get togethers with no responsa.

One day I ran inti Thomas in town alone and took him out for a drink or six. A few friends dropped by our favorite watering hole and pretty soon it was 9:00 and he was terribly late. Oh No! He called me the next day to tell me what a great time he had and how mad his fiancee was that he came home drunk and late. This was not a good sign. Michele was now the fiancee, and in only four months, not good. The wedding was planned for later that year, sometime in the fall, and none of his friends knew when. Seems like we weren’t going to be invited. Strange that none of his friends would be invited, but not nearly as strange as it was going to get.

Now that the groundwork has been laid, the real story begins. It appears as though the Fiancées had managed to cut out most of Thomas’s friends and they didn’t want to go to the wedding anyway. Phil, Arthur, Kenny, and I were the only friends left that The Fiancées hadn’t soured to him. And a plan was hatched that very night at Au Pied de Cochon. Three weeks till the wedding and little time to waste we jumped into action. One by one we all called him and asked about the bachelor party only to be told that The Fiancées said he couldn’t have one. When I talked to Thomas he said the same thing, no bachelor party, but I asked if The Fiancées was having a bachelorette party and he said yes. Bingo! And which night was that party going to be. The plot thickens, he said the Friday night before the wedding ,Bingo!

We talked with most of the gang and set the plan into motion. We would take Thomas out for a final bachelor dinner that same night. No party, just dinner, with a few drinks. How fiendishly calm we all were about it, and like the duck paddling across the pond all you see is the duck gliding effortlessly over the water while those little feet are paddling feverishly under the water, we were planning the rest of the bachelor party.

Ahead to the fateful night Artur, Kenny, Phil, and I took poor old Thomas out to Clyde’s for our “Dinner”. Soon we were a group of 12 or so. And, we all had to do a shot with Thomas, so one by one we did our shots. We doing one shot and Thomas doing ten. No dinner and off to the strip club for a few more drinks and by then it was pass out time For Thomas. Now a well laid plan usually has a few hiccups, but this plan went like clockwork. Mt two airline pilot friends flew to Miami every day twice a day. Once in the morning and once every night. They flew one of the last flights out of Washington National leaving at 10:00 pm and guess who was put on that plane. Yes, a drunk and sleeping Thomas. Way in the back of the plane he slept noiselessly all the way to Miami. After they landed and the passengers had disembarked it was Thomas’s turn. Placed ever so gently in the concourse with security in on the gag to watch him he awoke sometime around 8:15 am. No wallet, no money, and no idea where or how he got there. Everyone was told not to answer his call and if they did not to send him a ticket home.

Now the wadding wasn’t until 4:30 and Thomas finally got a ticket home and was at The Fiancée’s door by noon. She answered the door in a rage screamed at him for ten minutes, told him the wedding was off, and slammed the door in his face. Knowing he had plenty of time to make the wedding he plucked up his courage and knocked again. This time her mother answered the door and was as kind as the Ex-Fiancées was and in no uncertain terms told him to get lost, the wedding was off, and then she slammed the door even harder leaving poor Thomes standing on the stoop feeling totally dejected.

We all felt bad for Thomas and consoled him every day. Every time I took him out drinking I always made sure a few of the gang stopped by and drank with us. And every time he asked me who could have done this horrible thing to him. I always answered that I didn’t know and if I found out I would tell him right away. After a few months he stopped asking, and then one day it happened. Linda walked into the bar we were at, sat down next to Thomas at the bar, and started to talk to him. Ater ten minutes or so I made a hasty retreat and went down the street to drink somewhere else leaving them to sort it out for themselves. And they did. soon Linda was part of our group, and a welcome part at that. A month later I told Thomas that it was me all the time with help from Kenny, Phil, And Arthur who did that horrible thing to him and how not sorry we were.

Thomas and Linda are still married to this day with three wonderful grown up kids and even some grandkids too. They have always thanked me!