There was a resale shop in Georgetown back in the day. It is still there i would surmise. I purchased many wonderful things there over the years, the lovely penguins that sit on my windowsill, some of my old english castles china that we use on special occasions, and then there was the ugly sweater. Not just any ugly sweater, this was THE ugly sweater of all times. It was so ugly that when you looked ugly up in the dictionary there was a picture of my sweater there.
It is hard to describe just how ugly it was. First, it was an oversized cardigan with huge leather buttons, two largish pockets on either side, and it was a little longer than most sweaters. It had a beautiful label from some famous men’s store in New York and I’m sure when it was new it fetched a pretty penny. This sweater was thick like a shag carpet with stringy kind of might I say fur and it was comfortable warm and cozy.
The color was something to behold and you could stare at it for hours and never get it just right. Some black with blue mixed in, a sprinkling of red green and orange tossed about for a statement, and some yellow deep purple and brown added in for good measure. It soon became my favorite piece of clothing and when I wore it out people really stared, they couldn’t help themselves. Of course every girl I ever dated hated my sweater, some more than others but I would not give it up. In my eyes it was BEATIFUL.
And when Joyce and I started dating she hated it too, a little more than the other girls, but gritted her teeth and smiled when I wore it out with her. She would cringe and say thing like ” not that old rag again” and disparaging things like that to no avail. After we were married and a few years later we moved to Greenbush Joyce would take to rotating the summer and winter clothes to fit the seasons, so I wasn’t surprised when she told me my sweater was in with the winter clothes our first summer here. It wasn’t until the fall when my sweater didn’t reappear that I grew suspicious. I had no proof that she had gotten rid of my favorite sweater and her bane till I went to the St. Vincent’s in Tawas to look for some old movies. As I was passing the men’s clothing, I happened to see a little splash of orange and yellow and upon further purview some black, blue green, red and brown showing through on the rack. Looking a little closer I saw the Identical twin of my favorite sweater, right down to the oversized leather buttons, the two side pockets and the shaggy fur. Holy crap–could there ever be two such sweaters in the world? Alas, no!
It was my old friend with the label from the swank New York habidashery hanging on the bargain rack at St Vincents. Two, count them, two dollars. Taken aback as I was the plan slowly grew in my fiendish mind, yes it was a brilliant plan, the plan that dreams are made of. I repurchased my old friend, took it home, hid it from my wife and when Christmas came around I wrapped it up and put my name on it and when the time was right, and I mean really right I slid it under the tree and waited for Christmas morning.
I don’t think that I can accurately describe the look on my wife’s face. A dozen golf balls–$ 20.00– a pair of LLBean slacks–$ 55.00 the look on my wife’s face—PRICELESS. and a Merry Christmas to you too!!